Monday, October 29, 2012

CYG - Day 29 - Music

I have always had a special connection to music.  I come from a very musical family (though none of their talents made it to me), so we were always surrounded by music of all types and styles.  I also grew up in church and had a strong connection to hymns.  Some of these songs offer profound messages of love, strength, comfort, peace, etc.  One hymn I always felt connected to was Because He Lives.

If you don't know this particular hymn, it's message is simple: Through life's challenges and difficulties, we can continue to carry on because He lives.  

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow;
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future;
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

Those words have offered me strength and comfort over the years.  When I would struggle through issues during school, this would be the song running through my mind.  When my grandfathers passed away, I sang it to myself in those sad times.  Some days I just sang it in worship and praise.

Caroline loved church.  She loved the singing.  She'd kick happily when the music started, and I would sway and sing so she'd be able to feel the music too.  She took part, she was there. 

On October 19, 2010, I had a private praise and worship service in my garage as I finished the preparations on the changing table we'd purchased on Craigslist.  I held my 39 week pregnant belly, and sang to my God.  It wasn't a sad time, or a hard time, but my song was Because He Lives.  She kicked and we shared that special time together.  She was due to be born (by induction to keep me from going past my due date) in less than 2 days, so I was enjoying this quiet time together.  Gearing up, preparing my mind, preparing my heart, preparing my spirit to birth our first precious child.  The rest of the day was non-eventful.  She kicked as she was supposed to, giving me no cause for concern.  But around 10:00pm something went wrong.  I could feel it.  I knew she was gone, but wouldn't allow my mind to admit it.  Within a couple of hours, our train was completely derailed when it was confirmed via ultrasound that our little girl's heart had stopped beating.  

Because He Lives is the last song I sang to my girl.  Because He Lives, her broken-hearted mama can continue in this life.  Because He Lives, I will get to see her and hold her again.  

We even included those words on her headstone.

1 comment: