Monday, October 22, 2012

Caroline's 2nd Birthday in Heaven

10/20/2012.  It's been marked on my calendar since the calendar was new.  Not that it needs a mark, it's a date I'll never forget.  Caroline's birthday.  Her day.  A day with so many memories, so many hopes, so much love, so much happiness, and so much sadness, all wrapped into one 24-hour period.  Well honestly, it's not all held into that one day.  We found out that she was gone on the 19th, her funeral was the 22nd, and her official due date was the 25th.  All of those days are tough.  I have a difficult time on each of them, which is probably why I'm hanging out in my PJs today!  

We decided to go to my parents' house for the weekend.  It was a tough decision.  I was scared to commit to anything except my bed and covering up my head for her birthday.  After some consideration, I thought it would be best if I did SOMETHING other than NOTHING.  So, I packed us up and we headed to my parents' house.  Friday the 19th was hard, but I think the buildup was worse.  My mind is my worst enemy.  I allowed the tears to flow when they came, and I survived!  The 20th came and I had been dreading it so bad that again, the buildup was worse.  We decided to release some bright and happy flower petals into the lake instead of balloons or butterflies this year.  It was nice.  It was good for me, good for us.

Addalee was sweet about it. We gave her a couple of the flowers to have for her own.  She loves playing with anything from nature!  (Including rocks and dirt).  She ended up throwing her flowers in all by herself.  It was sweet and heartwarming.

***I took a break from the Capture Your Grief series for the day to honor/celebrate Caroline's birthday.  Day 20 is Charity.  I have a hard time choosing a favorite, but it would probably be St. Jude Children's Research Hospital***


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