Tuesday, October 9, 2012

CYG - Day 9 - Special Place

I wasn’t sure if I should share this, or try to come up with another special place.  But, I decided that I’d just tell the truth.  My special place is the shower.  Strange as it may seem, it was a place that I felt super close to Caroline, and still can go to feel peace.

When I was pregnant with her, I’d talk to her as I stood in the warm water.  I’d wash my belly and tell her that I was giving her a bath, too.  She’d kick and I’d just keep talking to her about everything.

After she died, I could hardly stand to shower.  It was miserable.  I couldn’t do anything but weep and almost collapse under the weight of the grief when I had to shower.  It was bad enough that I had someone sit with me in the bathroom during my shower time for quite some time.  I just couldn’t be alone.  Not in there.

Since then, it’s become a place where I can go and talk to her, cry for her, grieve for her.  So, as strange as it may seem, my special place is the shower!

1 comment:

  1. I understand this. I remember coming home from the hospital and showering for the first time. Feeling my saggy, post partum belly and desperately wishing I could just feel Cale move again, that I could just put my hands on my stomach and have everything be right in the world again.