I already know the answer to this question, but sometimes I have to ask it anyway: Would I be a different mother to Caroline than I am to Addalee? The answer is without a doubt YES! Would I have been a worse mother to Caroline? Probably not, but so very different. I like to think that I would have been less…what’s the word I’m looking for here? Uh, crazy?
Poor Addalee has a worry-wart mom. She has this panic-stricken PTSD basket-case lady to deal with for the rest of her life. And I’m feeling it. The pressure of raising a baby after losing one is tough sometimes. I know that it’s scary when things go wrong, whether you’ve lost a child or not. But I can’t help but flash back to those darkest of days when something happens with Addalee.
It’s been a stressful few days around our house. Addalee had her 6 month shots last week (I can’t believe she’s already 6 months old!). She ran a low grade fever, but seemed to feel good, and I thought we were in the clear. Then she had some issues – a low temperature which can indicate infection just as high fevers do - in the wee hours of Saturday morning that resulted in a scary 1:30 a.m. call to the emergency line at her pediatrician’s office, and (by ped’s orders,) a trip to the Children’s Hospital E.R.
Thankfully, she was doing okay by the time we got to the hospital. Her daddy and I were nervous wrecks, but she was content to play with her gown and wait.
The doctor told us that what we’d seen was likely a fluke and that she was fine. And gave us some guidelines to follow in the future. I think he may have wondered why we seemed so upset by all that was happening, I mean he was telling us that our baby was okay (thank God). But it took us a minute to process because I think we were both bracing for the worst news. Yuck. Thankfully, Arthur shared why we were a teeny bit more sensitive than many parents. The doctor was gracious and kind, and the overall experience was as good as could be expected.
Our nerves have been frazzled, but we’ve been making up for lost sleep and trying to stop thinking the proverbial other shoe is about to drop. It’s made a little easier when you’ve got this girl smiling at you!