Here lately, I’ve been thinking so much of Caroline. I’ve been missing her somehow more than I had been…and it’s always so much. Sometimes her absence is felt so much more strongly. Sometimes I feel like I could crumble under the weight of the sadness. Grief is so very lonely and she feels so desperately far away sometimes.
But something interesting has been happening. Other people are mentioning my girl. She’s been brought up, talked about, openly missed by so many others recently. It’s really doing this happy/sad mama’s heart good. During the course of this week, 2 of Caroline’s great aunts have mentioned her. One of them mistakenly called Addalee by Caroline’s name. She cringed a little when she did it, almost like she was afraid that it would hurt us. But I just smiled and told her that I was thrilled that Caroline’s name is so easy to come to mind. I love the fact that she’s on the hearts and minds of those we love. The other one emailed me a devotional about if people in Heaven can hear us and see us down here. I talk to her regularly and ask Jesus to tell her all kinds of things. But to know that Arthur and I aren’t the only ones who think of our girl…that is such a blessing.
I think one reason things might be weighing a little heavy is that we’re having Addalee’s baby dedication this weekend…which I’m thrilled about. But when you get to the “events” of life, you start really thinking of what “should have been.”
I am a musical person, love music, wish I could play it! I’ll be honest; I hadn’t even really ever given Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond a decent listen before we had Caroline. So, if you ever had a question if her name came from the song…the answer is no. I don’t love the song, but now appreciate that it says my girl’s name. I pretty much have to cry every time I hear it, how lame is that?! Oh well, it is what it is. But there’s another song, it’s by Brandi Carlile and it’s called Caroline. I’ve been tearing that song up lately. It’s a happy little song, about a little girl (her niece). The chorus:
Caroline, I'm on my way back home to you
Can't imagine what I'm goin' through
Without you by my side
It's been a long long time
Oh won't you say a prayer for me
I hope you will remember me
You're always on my mind
Now, to find a song that says Addalee! :)