So, I’ve been reading the book “I Will Carry You” by Angie Smith. She lost her daughter, Audrey Caroline, after carrying her through the full pregnancy even after receiving notice that Audrey was “incompatible with life.” The book deals with the grief that you feel as a mother and a Christian facing the loss of a child. I have really been able to identify with her. I would certainly suggest this book to anyone who has lost a child, or is close to someone who has. It offers great insight into the mind and heart of a grieving mother.
They wrote a song (her husband sings in Selah) about their sweet Audrey. The lyrics are posted below:
I Will Carry You
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I’m not
Truth is I’m barely hanging on
But there’s a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says…
I’ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen Me
To carry you
As I type this, my heart is breaking…because I desperately would love to be able to take those photographs, wipe those teary eyes, and sing those sweet lullabies, because I DO love her.
4 weeks ago tonight, I gave birth to her. 4 weeks ago tonight, I lost my first child. 4 weeks ago tonight, a part of my heart went with her. 4 weeks ago tonight, my life changed forever. 4 weeks ago, I felt God move in my life in a way I never had before. I was chosen for those 39 weeks to carry her in my womb. I am chosen to carry Caroline through the coming years. And despite my broken heart, I do praise the One who chose me. Caroline’s life, though so brief, has so richly blessed me, and I pray that I am able to take the blessings that I’ve gotten from her and the things I’ve learned through this journey (of which I am still very much in the midst) and help others.
Love and prayers,
What beautiful lyrics. Thanks for sharing that!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment on my blog. I read Caroline's birth story and I am so very sorry. We lost our baby during birth shortly before he was born. It was so hard to finish giving birth knowing he was gone but I don't know how women have the courage and strength to begin the process knowing they will not hold their baby alive. Also this was my third baby, I already had two sons living on earth with me. I think I would not have survived losing my first baby. I know you are trusting God and He WILL carry you. However I know from experience that you will have hard days ahead that you will feel you can't make it through. Keep trusting God and hold your husband close. I pray that God heals your heart and gives you a precious baby to hold here on earth! He is able and He is good and loving and can do immeasurably more than we can ask of even think! Please know that I am here for you, feel free to get in touch with me if I can be of any help and I will pray for your family. I am so encouraged by your strength and your faith in God that are allowing you to be such a witness. I know this time is hard, everything is so raw and fresh, confusing and disorienting. Just hold tight to Jesus, He loves you and Caroline SO much - what a treasure you have in heaven!
ReplyDeleteI found you through Creme de la Creme and I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI know what you are going through. I lost my son at 36 weeks this past August and it's been a rough road. I find that some days are easier than others and that writing and reading blogs from other baby loss moms helps a lot.
I wish you all the best in 2011.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Thank you for sharing your faith through your heartbreak. (Here from the creme)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. I can't really imagine your feelings, or how much strength it must take to carry on after such a loss. You are amazing.
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