Caroline's Family

This weekend has been a pretty good one. Time spent with family usually makes for a good time.

Friday night, we had a weenie roast at Mildred's for Kimbel's birthday. It was nice to be able to go and be with everyone. I have to admit, I had a hard time getting excited about it. I had a hard time getting ready to go. I had a hard time in the car on the way there. I had a hard time when I got there. Not because of anything that anyone did....but because of what was missing...Caroline. It's amazing how much I miss her to have never really gotten to do anything with her. I guess it's really just the plans I had for my life with her. She should be part of my every day life (and she is, just not in the way I thought she would be). There's always that piece that's missing, there's always something "off." I hate that it feels that way, but it does.

Saturday was spending time with Arthur. We just spent the day together, and it was nice. We also found the biggest Dollar Tree I've ever been in (I enjoyed myself!)

And then we are back to Sunday. Again, we didn't go back to church. I really want to, but I'm still just not quite there. I'm so nervous about it. I don't know if that's really founded in anything, but it is honestly scaring me quite a bit. I guess it's because I don't really feel like I can go back to "life." Life as I knew it ended. Life as I knew it is gone. There is a new life. There is a new normal. I hate that. I hate that there is a new normal. I hate that I had to give up that dream. I hate that I had to give up my Caroline. I hate that my family had to give her up. But we did. And we are all working toward that new normal.

This afternoon Arthur's parents came and we went antique shopping. Antique shopping is something that we've always had fun doing together...and today was no exception, but again...something missing. That little girl affected our lives so profoundly. When we got back to our house we actually talked about her for a while. And it was good for me to be able to talk about her...it seems to always be good for me to talk about her. She is always on my mind, she is always in my thoughts. She is so special to me, I want to share her all the time.

I want to thank you all for your prayers and endless support. You'll never know what it means to us and our family. It is only through God's grace that we are where we are now. Were it not for that grace, dealing with this would likely be too much for me to handle. I ask that you continue to pray for us. Pray for our healing, pray for that peace that we need in the stormy times, and pray that God will use this situation and our story to help other people. I wanted so badly to devote Caroline's life to God...and I have been able to do that. Not in the way I had planned, but her life is very much dedicated to God through us.