Monday, November 22, 2010


Thanksmas or Christgiving...I can't decide. What should we call these holidays that we smoosh together? I do not know. What I do know is that I've worked all day on the house getting my Christmas stuff out and everything decorated. I did this in hopes that seeing all the happy Christmas stuff would make me feel happy. So far not so good. I'm having a really rough time getting in the holiday spirit. This really isn't something new for me, the holidays have been stressful for me since adulthood (ah, to be a child again!). I was looking very much forward to the holidays this year though...I was going to be a MOM! I was going to have a little blessing to share with the family and get to experience everything with. It was going to be glorious. And...here I am. Blegh. You might be saying, "Now, Nicole, just pull yourself up out of the dumps. It's not going to be that bad." And I'll say that you're probably right. It won't be that bad. But I will still not have Caroline. I will still go shopping (which I used to love) and see that EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD SEEMS TO HAVE A CHILD OR JUST HAD A CHILD!!!!!!! It's like a kick in the gut each time I see a stroller in a store. Yes, I'm happy for those families, yes, I want there to be people who are happy, but I MISS MY DAUGHTER. My heart aches for her.

I try to do crafts and keep busy to keep my mind off of everything. It's not that I don't want to think about Caroline, it's that I can't wallow in the sadness that I feel. So I just made this:

I thought it was pretty cute, and happy.

If I don't manage to get another post written before Thanksgiving, I hope that each and every one has a wonderful day and enjoys their time with family. While this post seems like I'm mostly griping, which I guess I am, I do want to say that I am thankful for many things. I have an amazing family, some really great friends, a wonderful husband, and a faithful God. I actually have been very blessed in my life, I can't deny that fact.

Thank you all for your continued prayers, please know that I am praying for you too.


  1. I'd like to meet anyone who thinks you should suck it up and just be happy during the holidays. I was supposed to be a new mommy this year, too. But what's there to celebrate if my son isn't here with me? I think you are a strong, strong woman for decorating for Christmas!

    I like your snowman embroidery :)

  2. I too would like to meet a person who thinks you should suck it up during the holidays. I was supposed to be a first time momma this year, this would be Addie's first holiday season. People just don't get it. I love the snowman creation! That would be perfect in my house (hubby jokingly calls me a flake sometimes...and it usually for a good reason, haha!).

    I'm trying to get into the holiday spirit. Gooing to try to dig our the lights and stuff this weekend. Thanks for the inspiration.

  3. I think you're doing an amazing job at trying to manage through the Holidays, especially at trying to decorate and such. I had already decided I wasn't going to this year, it's too depressing. I too was supposed to have my first daughter during this Holiday season and I'm sorry to anyone who doesn't like it, but I'm going to be a bit of a scrooge this year. Hoping Thanksgiving isn't too rough for you and you are surrounded with love!


  4. Love your embroidery!! Hoping you're able to feel some peace over the holidays, if not actual happiness.

  5. Nicole - what on earth?

    Sorrow is biblical. David sorrowed, our Lord sorrowed. It is ok to be sad, it is ok to grieve. God expects nothing different. Get through the holidays as best you can, you aren't letting Him down.

  6. Thank you so much, ladies. I can't tell you how much your support means to me. And thank you for understanding my "scroogeness" as Rebecca said. It's so nice to know that I'm not the only one who will at least have a little bah humbug in my smile!