Last night was particularly hard for me. It was 3 weeks to the day that I gave birth to Caroline. I know it might seem silly to have a "3 week Anniversary," but it just all kind of hit me again. The grief weighed so heavily on my heart. I cried a cry from the depths of my soul. I cried harder than I have cried. My entire body hurt, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't hold up the grief any longer. It came crashing down around me. I felt like I didn't want to continue on, I was done.
I had to have a talk with God about what I was thinking and feeling. I told Him that He had hurt my feelings, to the core. I told Him that I was disappointed that He didn't want Caroline to actually get to stay in our family. I told Him that I did want His will to be done in her life, but that I desperately wanted my daughter, that my arms ached to hold her, my heart ached to see her again. I told Him that I was hurt that He snatched her away from me. I was then given some peace...peace from God. I don't understand the reasoning behind all of this. I don't miss her less, but I do have some peace. I have peace because her life has meaning...she has a purpose. And best of all, I'll get to see her again...When we all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be!
Romans 8:18
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
Christmas Letter 2019
4 years ago
Thank you for stopping by my blog and emailing me. Sorry it took me a few days to stop by, but I've just read your blog and Caroline's story. I'm so so sorry for your very recent loss and all the sorrow you and your husband are going through. It's so hard to lose a perfect, beautiful baby all because the cord that was supposed to sustain her life instead killed her. I'll be following along on your journey. I hope you are able to find some peace and that there will be great joy ahead for you!
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