Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Worry Wart

I already know the answer to this question, but sometimes I have to ask it anyway: Would I be a different mother to Caroline than I am to Addalee?  The answer is without a doubt YES!  Would I have been a worse mother to Caroline?  Probably not, but so very different.  I like to think that I would have been less…what’s the word I’m looking for here?  Uh, crazy?

Poor Addalee has a worry-wart mom.  She has this panic-stricken PTSD basket-case lady to deal with for the rest of her life.  And I’m feeling it.  The pressure of raising a baby after losing one is tough sometimes.  I know that it’s scary when things go wrong, whether you’ve lost a child or not.  But I can’t help but flash back to those darkest of days when something happens with Addalee. 

It’s been a stressful few days around our house.  Addalee had her 6 month shots last week (I can’t believe she’s already 6 months old!).  She ran a low grade fever, but seemed to feel good, and I thought we were in the clear.  Then she had some issues – a low temperature which can indicate infection just as high fevers do - in the wee hours of Saturday morning that resulted in a scary 1:30 a.m. call to the emergency line at her pediatrician’s office, and (by ped’s orders,) a trip to the Children’s Hospital E.R. 

Thankfully, she was doing okay by the time we got to the hospital.  Her daddy and I were nervous wrecks, but she was content to play with her gown and wait.

The doctor told us that what we’d seen was likely a fluke and that she was fine.  And gave us some guidelines to follow in the future.  I think he may have wondered why we seemed so upset by all that was happening, I mean he was telling us that our baby was okay (thank God).  But it took us a minute to process because I think we were both bracing for the worst news.  Yuck.  Thankfully, Arthur shared why we were a teeny bit more sensitive than many parents.  The doctor was gracious and kind, and the overall experience was as good as could be expected. 

Our nerves have been frazzled, but we’ve been making up for lost sleep and trying to stop thinking the proverbial other shoe is about to drop.  It’s made a little easier when you’ve got this girl smiling at you!


  1. She is SO stinking cute! I am sure what you are feeling and going through are completely normal. After our first loss and then again after the second I was super crazy with the two we had before the losses. I followed them around constantly and freaked about everything. I have just learned to try and accept that whatever is going to happen is out of our hands. Give that little girl lots of kisses and know that she has her own special big sister guardian angel watching over her all the time! :)

  2. She is awful cute:-)))
    While being extra fearful is hard, it's so understandable and perfectly normal after what you've been through..hugs!!!!

  3. Oh, wow, Nicole, she is so beautiful! Look at that gorgeous smiling face!

  4. ha! That face of hers is priceless. :) Too cute.

    Sorry you had a scare, but so glad you got the all clear. :)

  5. Hi! I just stopping by from Ashley blog (The A Team) and was just floored that I haven't read you before. I too lost a little girl named Caroline who was born still on October 15, 2010. How crazy is that?? I just got done reading your Caroline's story and my heart just breaks for you!
    Our Caroline has a little brother who is 5 months old and I'm just as much of a worry wart as you are! (Do NOT get me started on how much I worry about SIDS).
    Prayers for you all!


  6. She is SO beautiful! That smile is contagious!