I wish that visiting Caroline’s grave was easier for me. I wish that I had that sense of peace and closeness to her that I thought I would have. But honestly, seeing that tiny headstone and the bright flowers and tiny white fence, it rips my heart out. It’s a reminder. It’s not like I ever forget that she’s missing and that I’d give my own life to have her, but visiting her spot makes it hit me again…it’s real. It really happened. She really lived. And she really is gone.
Even though it’s emotionally difficult for me, I feel like it’s important to visit her grave as often as I can. This past weekend was a special opportunity though. As I’ve said before, Caroline is buried in a family cemetery. I’m always thankful for this because I know that she’s always surrounded by the love of her/our family since she’s always close by for them. Currently there are only 2 family members buried there, Arthur’s grandfather, and little Caroline.
Arthur’s uncle has built a fence around the cemetery and asked the family to come and write our names, or whatever we’d like, in the concrete on top of the posts. So, the whole family came up to do some clean-up and decorate the posts. We were given the post closest to our sweet girl’s grave.
We put Addalee’s hand prints.
And Caroline’s name with a little butterfly.
Overall, it was a great experience. I’m thankful that Arthur’s family has worked so hard to make it such a beautiful place.
And now a follow-up from last week’s post:
I have to admit, I didn’t expect to get nearly as many comments on my last post. I wasn’t really sure that posting about this particular personal struggle would be a good thing, but it has been! I feel so encouraged and loved! Thank you!
It did my heart good to hear from each of you who responded with your own struggles and advice. Somehow I had convinced myself that while I wasn’t alone in my grief of losing Caroline, I was in this particular struggle. Thank you for showing me that isn't the case, it means so much to me.
And finally a picture of Addalee…mostly just ‘cause I want to :)
I just realized that it almost looks like she's giving a thumbs up!