Monday, May 9, 2011

The Day After Mother's Day

I'm feeling very happy to have Mother's Day behind me.  It was a day that I was dreading quite a lot for a little while.  I went back and forth wondering if it was going to be as bad as I imagined it could be.  As it turns out, what I had made up in my head was worse than the actual day.  That doesn't mean that it wasn't really tough, but it means that I wasn't reduced to a puddle of tears all day.

I was very blessed to have so many wonderful people around me, praying for me, loving me, and supporting me. Also, my family was very understanding and sweet.  I originally told anyone that would listen that I wanted to skip the day altogether.  No one really had any problem with that.  I started thinking that I needed to do something special for the moms and grandmothers in my family.  When I first started thinking of Mother's Day, I didn't think I'd be able to do ANYTHING.  I was able to make my mom and Arthur's mom a memory box to keep their special things to remind them of baby Caroline.  I was able to make them copies of her hand and foot prints given to us from the hospital, and all the other little precious keepsakes they sent us from the hospital.  I had the delivery pictures printed for them as well, and gave them each one of the gifts that they had given us for Caroline.  My mom got Caroline's first pair of shoes (an adorable little set of pink dress shoes), and Arthur's mom got a sweet little bib that said "Thank Heaven for Little Babies."  I hope that they'll treasure these things, and know they will. 

I was able to pick out a card for my mom, but I had to abort that mission after I found hers because it was simply just too overwhelming, and I didn't want to lose my mind in Target.  (Did you know that they have "Happy First Mother's Day" cards?  I do...now)  Thankfully, Arthur was able to find a really nice card for his mom and spare me from having to try again.  I had even really planned to send a little card to my BLM friends that I've met along this journey, but lost my motivation when it was just so hard to look at those cards!

We actually had a special weekend together.  Arthur was so good to me, and we really enjoyed each other's company.  We hit the bookstore on Friday evening, and got a couple of good books (a new devotional, and a book about surviving the death of a child), and he even let me go to Hobby Lobby (he really knows the way to my heart)!  Saturday we went to yard sales, they're just so much fun!  From the yard sales, we went to an antique fair.  It was so much fun!  By the time we got home, we were both exhausted, but it was so nice.  Sunday, we got up leisurely.  Normally, we'd have gone to church, but I knew they'd be doing the special Mother's Day service, so I just couldn't muster the courage.  But Arthur made us breakfast, and we spent the day just being together.  We talked about Caroline a good bit.  There were tears.  There was laughter.  We tried to remember Caroline and think of our new little blessing, Addalee (name meaning story below).  Arthur gave me the sweetest card, I didn't know a card like that even existed.  It said something along the lines of this being a tough time, but that I'm a mother, etc. And he told me how proud he was of me...melted my heart.  When the day was over, I was glad though.  It was nice to lay down my head and know that another milestone is behind me.  I just pray that next Mother's Day will be different.

I spent time in prayer leading up to, and during the day yesterday for all of those that I've met who would be experiencing Mother's Day without their precious child(ren).  I wish that this wasn't a reality for anyone.  I wish that life was neat and easy.  But it's not.  So, I hope that each of you who've had to weather Mother's Day with heavy hearts (because of the loss of their babies, or even their own mothers, or grandmothers), were able to experience some peace.

As promised, Addalee's name story/meaning:  Being in the midst of a subsequent pregnancy is quite the roller coaster of emotion.  Some days just sail on by, while others, we're stricken with fear...fear that something could be wrong, something could happen, she won't come home with us either...  We have been diligently trying to find a name for this little girl since we found out she was a "she."  We had several names on the table, and none that we were just settled on.  Arthur came up with Addalee, and we just liked it, still nothing was final.  Arthur looked up the meaning of the name and found that it meant "God is our refuge."  I was almost decided.  Then, a couple of days later, we ran into a hard day, emotionally.  Arthur prayed that God would give us a sign that everything was okay and everything was going to be okay with this little girl.  He then went on the Internet to a random verse generator, Psalm 46:1 came up - God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  And the rest is history!  So, we're expecting little Addalee Elizabeth (after her big sister), late August - early September!  Please keep us in your prayers.


  1. I'm so glad the day wasn't as tough as you expected. I really appreciated your note yesterday :) And I have to say I love Caroline's baby sister's name!

  2. Happy Mothers Day, Nicole.:) You will always be a great mom to Caroline, and one to sweet Addalee. I love her sweet name. Praying for you :)

  3. I love the idea of making memory boxes for your mother and mother-in-law. I may have to copy that idea! I'm glad the day wasn't as bad as it could have been. And I hope these next couple months just fly by for you - I love the name Addalee, so very sweet. My grandmother is Adelaide, so it's similar :)

  4. I am glad that Mother's Day wasn't as bad as you had anticipated. I love the idea of memory boxes, what a sweet idea. Thinking of you and your sweet girls! <3

  5. Hang in there, Nicole! I love you! I pray for you every day.