Saturday, December 18, 2010

Christmas in Heaven

Well, I’m thinking it’s probably time for my weekly update. I have been meaning to write about this week’s events for a few days now, but just haven’t gotten around to it. Maybe I’m lazy, maybe I’m a procrastinator, and maybe I was scared. I very much want to document this whole journey, all the good days, all the bumps in the road. But I have to say that sometimes it’s hard just to reflect. Reflection allows me to stop DOING and actually FEEL. That’s hard to do. Sometimes, it’s downright painful. Sometimes it’s rewarding. All the time, it’s necessary, at least for me.

On Tuesday, the hospital where Caroline was born had a memorial service for all the infants that passed away over the course of this year. There were 35. Most of them were miscarriages early on, but at least a few were lost after 20 weeks. It was so nice. They called all the babies' names, we lit candles for them, and got to keep them. After the service, there was a reception. All the families were able to chat and share their stories. I was also able to speak to one of the nurses who was just precious to me. She continues to be precious. I’m so thankful for people like her in the medical field…compassionate and loving.

The weather here has been interesting. There has been snow and ice. And I have to say that as Southerners, we’re not accustomed to such things. The news was telling us to stay off the roads, power was out all over the place…and a couple of “snow days.” So I really can’t complain.

We’re pretty well done with our Christmas shopping now. That leaves all the wrapping to be done though. I already did a good wrapping shift today, but will probably have to hit it again to get everything done. Christmas is less than a week away, after all.

It’s tough to think about Christmas without Caroline. It’s hard to think of a new year without her. It’s impossible to think of a lifetime that I don’t get to share with her. I don’t even know how to explain the empty/lonely feeling. Part of me is gone. Part of me went with her. There’s definitely a lot left to live for, I have to carry Caroline’s story. I have people to share my experiences with. I have lessons to learn, and life to live. But this life is not what I expected.

There is a poem though that I thought I should share. It was kind of special to me.

Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
with tiny lights like Heaven’s stars reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular; please wipe away that tear
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
but the sound of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you of the joy their voices bring
for it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me; I see the pain inside your heart
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I can't tell you of the splendor or the peace here in this place
Can you just imagine Christmas with our Savior face to face?

I'll ask Him to lift your spirit as I tell Him of your love
so then pray for one another as you lift your eyes above.

Please let your hearts be joyful and let your spirit sing
for I am spending Christmas in Heaven and I’m walking with the King.

-Wanda White (1999)

So, with that, I’ll leave you with my sincere Christmas wishes. I hope and pray that each of you has a wonderful Christmas. I pray that those of you who have lost someone special feel His comfort and peace.

Merry Christmas and God Bless,


  1. Thank you for the poem. Its beautiful.

  2. This poem is beautiful...
    Praying for you and your husband for peace during the holidays..

  3. Thank you so much for that poem... Truly inspiring:)

  4. I love the poem. Thank you so much for sharing it ... I think I will be sharing it on my blog too! You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sure Jackson and Caroline are having a big party in heaven!