Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Another New Normal

We're trying to settle into our new new normal.  I have to admit, bringing home a baby after everything we have gone through still doesn't seem real sometimes.  I wish that I could say that it's been all sunshine and daisies since our little Addalee got here, but the honest truth is that it's been an emotional roller coaster just like these last 10 - 11 months have been, as well.  I debated on whether or not to even share these emotions with the rest of the world, but decided that I wanted to just be honest.  I want to say that Addie girl is wonderful and beautiful and I'm incredibly thankful for her.

I know that some of my emotions have come from the pregnancy hormone changes, but I also know that some of them have come from holding a baby for the first time since holding little Caroline.  Some of the emotions rushed in when I walked into the girls' room with little Addalee in my arms...knowing that I should have already brought a little girl home into that room, but that little girl is painfully absent.  Then there is the sadness attached to knowing that some people have forgotten our beautiful girl, our first baby, our Caroline...people have moved on, the world has continued to function, and now that we have Addalee here, they think that we've moved on too, that the sadness of losing Caroline is erased, that our family is complete.  We should be a family of 4, but are only 3...yet we are 3.

We DO have a little girl living here with us, and I can't believe how amazing she is.  Our family is settling in to having a "little bitty" here, not that it is taking a whole lot from them!  Basically everyone just wants to come hold her, stare at her, smell her beautiful baby smell.  Did I mention that she's amazing!?

There is one member of the family who has had some trouble adjusting....
Fur brother, Wally has been trying to figure out this whole baby thing.  Sometimes, I'm not convinced that he's a big fan...but he's warming up!

And, I just wanted to share a mad baby and a happy baby picture of our Addie Beth...for no other reason than I think they're cute! :)


  1. I am so in love with this little baby! I can't wait to see more of her! She's so delicate and beautiful that I had to even show her pic to a co-worker who said, "She is! Everything except her thumbs." I was so confused for a second and then realized in the 2nd picture you can see your thumbs, lol. It was a good laugh. My co-worker is a hoot. Anyways, I know that feeling of the weight that you carry knowing that one of your children is not with you even though it seems the world has moved forward. I still think those things sometimes. I was laying on the floor of the nursery playing with Emily the other day and I had these flashbacks to when we were painting the walls during my pregnancy with Addison. It just kind of washes this sadness over you.

  2. I just can't get over how pretty she is! I have to say how thankful I am that you are blogging about what this is like emotionally. The good, the ba whatever it's all apart of it.

    I know we can't do anything about some people thinking a new baby means you are healed, but you have tons of people who know better. I promise Caroline is not forgotten she isn't erased and I don't think about Addalee without thinking about her big sister too. :)

  3. I had (and still do at times) a hard time (at times) after bringing Finn home. The first time I nursed him in the nursery, I stared up at Cale's picture and just sobbed. It's so wonderful having their siblings here, but it's hard because it really just puts so much emphasis on what we missed out on - on who is still missing. It's hard, but just like all of this, it gets easier.

    Give that sweet girl a kiss for me :)