CYG - Day 13 - Signs

As a BLM, I do recognize butterflies as a sign.  I find comfort when I see one.  However, when I was pregnant with Addalee, it had been a rough road.  Pregnancy after a full term loss was scary, difficult, exhausting, and uneasy.  I was terrified most days, often convinced that the new life I was carrying was going to end as abruptly as her big sister's had.  I knew that I couldn't bear another loss, but I was thrilled to be given the chance at having a living child.  So, it was a roller coaster of emotion.  It was probably about 3 weeks before Addalee was going to be born, and I saw the first rainbow since Caroline's death.  Not only was there 1 rainbow, but 2!  I felt like it was a promise from God that we were in His hands, He had a plan for us, He was blessing us.  I wanted desperately to believe that it was a sign that our Caroline was happy and safe, and that our little Addalee was going to get to stay here with us, alive and healthy.  I believe Caroline is being held and loved on, I wish beyond all measure that it was my arms holding her!  They ache to do just that, but I'll take comfort in the hope that I WILL get to hold her again one day.  And it's definitely taken a little of the sting that I do get to hold her little sister here (and hopefully will her next little sister come February).