Thursday, October 28, 2010

After the Storm...

I'm writing this because I honestly don't know what else to do...I'm aching with an ache that I didn't even know was possible. I will eventually post the entire story of what has happened to our little family, but I'm still working through how to tell it. It only lasted a short while, but my life is profoundly different. There is a part of me that I will never get back.

On Wednesday, October 20th, our sweet angel Caroline Elizabeth Ramsey was born. She weighed 6lbs 11oz, and was 21 inches long. She was simply the most beautiful baby girl I've ever seen in my entire life. She was perfect. She was ours. She looked just like her Daddy! I was overwhelmingly proud. I held her and loved her and talked to her and prayed over her. She was my sweet girl. We buried our precious girl on Friday, October 22.

This has easily been the most challenging thing I have ever been through. The most painful thing I have ever faced. And I'm not going to pull any punches, I AM STRUGGLING. I AM HURTING. I am trying not to get angry with God, but I honestly don't see how a thing such a thing could really be part of His will. I don't see how things like this happen to His people, and I'm not naive enough to believe that this has happened only to me. Although, I would take some comfort in it being just us, just our family to have to let go of such a sweet and perfect daughter and granddaughter. But these things do happen. This pain does exist in this world. We are not the only family hurting with this kind of deep hurt.

I'm trying to have faith, I'm trying to maintain, I'm trying to just...keep...breathing. I will continue to post information on our journey to healing. I will also post our angel baby's story eventually.